Last night, after most of the Thanksgiving guests had departed, a few of the remaining folks had to deal with a First World Problem - severe stomache distension due not to malnutrition but gluttony. The best solution was to take to the living room couches and lie down so that the pressure on the over-stuffed abdomen would abate.
Since it took about three hours for the innards to slowly deflate, a wonderful conversation ensued as the only thing left intact were the vocal chords. As an old married-in-spirit woman with three grown children, I had in fact seen the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, the love and resentment, that comes with that social unit called "family."
My friends were just embarking on their adult life as partners and parents, although with more wisdom than many at their stage of life. As we reflected on the ways in which couples engage, a thought occurred to me: the only reason that my husband and I had had a great marriage for thirty years was that in the end, our relationship was more important than our egos.
Every time we had a clash of ideas, beliefs, or life-strategies and began to dig in to our positions, a really ugly feeling would come over us. Separation. Distance. Anger. Judgement. Disallusionment.
None of the above were part of our marital vows, nor were these afflictive emotions part of the daily bliss that we experienced on a regular basis. We wanted out from that particular form of hell.
The solution? Go further into our egotistical POVs? Create greater and greater distance until a union began to dissolve into a civil war with a winner and loser?
By the grace of the All-That-Is, the overarching goal would eventually pervail - that harmony, love, peace, equanimity were far more valuable than being "right" or "dominant" (all territory the ego mind claims).
A bond among people, whether it be personal, societal, national, or global, only works for the highest good of all when the little-personal-petty-egos give way to the higher self. It's possible to materialize, only a nanosecond of a perspective shift. And voila! Freedom.
Since it took about three hours for the innards to slowly deflate, a wonderful conversation ensued as the only thing left intact were the vocal chords. As an old married-in-spirit woman with three grown children, I had in fact seen the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, the love and resentment, that comes with that social unit called "family."
My friends were just embarking on their adult life as partners and parents, although with more wisdom than many at their stage of life. As we reflected on the ways in which couples engage, a thought occurred to me: the only reason that my husband and I had had a great marriage for thirty years was that in the end, our relationship was more important than our egos.
Every time we had a clash of ideas, beliefs, or life-strategies and began to dig in to our positions, a really ugly feeling would come over us. Separation. Distance. Anger. Judgement. Disallusionment.
None of the above were part of our marital vows, nor were these afflictive emotions part of the daily bliss that we experienced on a regular basis. We wanted out from that particular form of hell.
The solution? Go further into our egotistical POVs? Create greater and greater distance until a union began to dissolve into a civil war with a winner and loser?
By the grace of the All-That-Is, the overarching goal would eventually pervail - that harmony, love, peace, equanimity were far more valuable than being "right" or "dominant" (all territory the ego mind claims).
A bond among people, whether it be personal, societal, national, or global, only works for the highest good of all when the little-personal-petty-egos give way to the higher self. It's possible to materialize, only a nanosecond of a perspective shift. And voila! Freedom.
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